The Hottest Online Game

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Have you hit the 2.4 content yet?

Obviously, everyone knows patch 2.4 hit today. You can't turn around without seeing something about it. And, well... if you play WoW, you were probably assaulted with a downloader before you could log in. Basically, 2.4 hit. You know that.

Have you really dug into the content yet, though? I know a couple members of my guild decided they would rather spend the day farming Adamantite and Mana Thistle in the 'old' Burning Crusade content because it was mostly abandoned. While it isn't fresh and exciting, it is certainly making them quite a bit of cash.

Me, personally? I jumped in feet first. As soon as the servers came up I was flying to Quel'Danas and putting together a Magisters' Terrace group. My original intent was to get the new daily quests out of the way first, before everyone got home from school or work or whatever it is they do, but the server wasn't agreeing with me on that. Amusingly, after the mobs on my server were killed, they weren't respawning whatsoever. The server actually stayed up that way for about two hours, devoid of mobs, with hundreds of people standing around on Quel'Danas trying to figure out what was going on.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

World of Warcraft: New 1-70 Record

There seems to be a bit of battle going on for who can get to level 70 quickest and you've probably checked out Athene's video and guide posted earlier. However it looks like his original record has been beaten by Tosog on the server EU-Kil'Jaeden who has managed it in 1 day 4 hours and 28 minutes with his Tauren Druid (See update below for the latest record). The proof shot is here and there has also been a video posted...

Tips for the Stranglethorn Fishing Extravaganza


I can't say that I've ever seriously tried to do the Stranglethorn Fishing Extravaganza -- I've seen it happen a few times, and I love the idea, but I've never committed to fishing long enough to be competitive in it. But I'm reconsidering that after reading these extremely fun tips from Resto4Life. Some of them are Druid specific (I bet the Shaman waterwalking spell would come in handy when trying to cross over to islands and through streams), and some of them are just silly, but it's just the right kind of thing to get you in the mindset to do a little Sunday angling. The two sources Resto pulled from have more: Tree of Life has a few helpful tips, while The Game Dame goes in-depth in laying out exactly how to win the event.

And it's a good thing we've got these, too -- as of patch 2.4, as the anglers among you have already heard, there'll be a few new fishing daily quests, and some brand new rewards (the fishing hat is now blue) from both the quests and the Extravaganza.

I still don't know if I have the interest to sit there, rod in hand, waiting for a fish to bite, but there's no doubt that this is a fun little, often missed part of the game. Very nice to have something fun like this going on weekly on the servers.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Sexy Character Names in WoW

The Character names is very funny in below two pictures.All Character named famous Japanese AV stars.
Sexy Character Names
Sexy Character Names

Thursday, March 13, 2008

2.4 invades the background downloader

As Adam pointed out earlier this afternoon, the changes for patch 2.4 are starting to be less and less dramatic, which may indicate that the patch is nearing completion. Here's another such indication: parts of the patch (251 MB for me) are now being sent out to the background downloader. This means that some of the patch data is finalized, and we can get those parts of the patch now instead of having to get everything on patch day.

Note that the patch is not, in fact, being released today, or even necessarily next week. But I would bet that it won't be more than a few weeks until the Sunwell is upon us. And when the patch does drop, someone's going to win fabulous prizes! More importantly, I'll have some new dailies to do. Hurry it up, Blizz (but don't release it before it's ready, of course).

Edit: Patch 2.3 was on the background downloader for 12 days before it was released, and 2.1 was 11 days. But 2.2 was on for over a month, so it's hard to predict for sure how this will go.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Best arena hunter in the world now banned?

I'm still not sure what to make of this, but according to a number of very upset hunters on the official forums, Blizzard has handed a permanent ban to a player known as Megatf, said to be the best arena hunter in the world. His Armory does in fact show him as being #2 in his battlegroup (Reckoning) for 2's, #1 for 3's, and #1 for 5's, so even if he wasn't the best in the world, the guy knew a thing or two about PvP. The ban is popularly attributed to Megatf's having posted criticism of how Blizzard has handled the Hunter crisis in arena. It's certainly tough to argue that hunters are doing well; they are the only class that is underperforming in all three brackets, even by Blizzard's standards and months after the introduction of an MS-debuff to Aimed Shot.

A player called Macrospamftw (yeah, I laughed) insists it's because Megatf was posting content and links that contained keyloggers, which sounds a lot more plausible than mere criticism (let's face it, if CM's banned people for that, the official forums would be a ghost town). But the player Guinevere counters by saying there were no links in the banned posts. Poking around a little more resulted in additional details: Megatf often posted while tipsy and was prone to foul language. That's certainly more than enough for a forum ban, but a permanent one?

Megatf does seem to have vanished from the forums completely. Not only are the threads in question gone, but according to the hunters, Megatf's popular post on Hunter PvP has also disappeared. Do any of our readers know what's going on?

Conquering fear of PvP (before conquering the Alliance)

It's an interesting moment, the one that mikkeneko talks about over on WoW LJ. It's the one where you first enter a battleground, or an Arena, or just head out into the world, attack someone of the opposite faction and win, and first realize that yes, you can PvP.

I come, like many more experienced gamers, from a Counterstrike background (and a Doom and Quake background before that), so I've almost always known the thrill of taking on other humans at their own computers. But this moment happened for me before I ever played WoW -- back in the days of Dark Age of Camelot, I entered a battleground, saw nameless player opponents in front of me flagged red, actually killed one, and realized that yes, I could actually do this. Our own Dan O'Halloran just recently had this experience in WoW, I believe -- he told us on the podcast a little while back that he'd never played PvP, and a week or so later, he told me he'd tried out a battleground and learned it was actually a lot of fun.

PvP isn't hard -- you mostly play the character as you play it in PvE, and as fast as high-end Arena matches can get, battlegrounds especially are simple enough for even casual players to enter and at least partly influence the battle. I don't remember what's so scary about PvP but I do remember it being scary way back when. If you haven't played PvP yet, though, you're missing out -- jump into a battleground, throw some spells or swords around, and you'll find that you too can PvP.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Making Money With Mining

Hi. If you are looking at this guide, you are probably wondering how to make money with my Mining Skill. Well, it is very easy to make money off Mining, considering it is a gathering skill. So lets get started and lets make some money.

**Note - this guide contains some Engineering and Blacksmithing. This is only optional to read. Its in there just in case people are worried about selling Vs. making into stuff - **

Chapter One: The Very Beginning

OK, the first thing you must do if you haven't already is get Mining. You can find mining trainers in all major cities. (Ex. Stormwind, Orgrammar, etc.)

The next thing you must do is buy a mining pick, which you can usually get right next to the mining trainer. In that case, they are usually called the "Mining Supplier". Or you can get one from a "Trade Merchant".

You are now ready to start making money.

Chapter Two: Three Types of Money Makers

There are three ways of making money. You can choose any of the three, and they will work fine.

Going To Work

--This is where you will set time to make money, such as saying "Today, I will train my guy 1 level, and do some instances with my guild. Tomorrow, I will go out and mine all day to make gold."--

Balanced Lifestyle

--This is where as you train, fight, do instances, and so on, you will simply look for veins, mine them, and after a while, visit a city and make your cash--

Mixing It Up

--This is where, you will set aside days to make money, as well as set aside days to train, but training will not get in your way of stopping aside to mine veins.--

I suggest the last one, because your being successful at making gold and training at the same time, and obviously having more fun, rather than forcing yourself to walk around looking for veins. Its up to you though.

Chapter Three: Where, What, and How

OK, the first type of mineral you are going to mine is Copper. Copper is extremely easy to find, and can be found near beginning towns. The first thing you want to do is go to your abilities book (Default Button - p) and look for "Find Minerals". Now every time you you see a golden circle on your mini-map, mouse over it. Most likely, if you are in your starting area, it will be copper.

**Note - The "Gatherer" add on is extremely useful in mining. What it does is, every time you mine something, it puts a symbol there, on your mini and world map. This helps your by saying, "Yes, there was a vein there before, and there will be a vein spawn there eventually". get it ASAP. - **

OK, now for alliance, I highly suggest either going to Dun Moroh (Sorry if that is mis-spelled) or Elwyn Forest.And for horde, I would say Trisfal Glades. All of them have tons and tons of copper. Now, what you want to do is go out and mine a lot of copper. I would say about 2-3 stacks (20copper / stack). Then you want to go back to your major city, and smelt these with the Forge. Now, on my server (Dragon Blight) a stack of copper bars will go for 1 gold easily. Now, it may go for 50 silver to 1 gold on other servers. What you want to do with those is sell them, we will say for 3g (1g each stack). In reality though, put them in for 1g10s, or 1g15s. This is so you wont get the auction house cut and only get 95s.

When you get your money, which should be about 3g, you are good.

Chapter Four: A Bit More Money, But A Bit Harder

OK, tin becomes a bit harder to get, because its in higher level places, and is more spread out. OK, lets cut to the chase, mine copper / tin, get it over with, and learn to smelt Bronze. This is where you can get some good cash if you know what you are doing.

OK, first of all, we need a lesson in "Flooding The Auction House". Flooding the Auction House means that you put more than 3 stacks of the same thing in the Auction House. This can lead to very bad consequences. Because WoW is constantly growing, and there are a lot of new players, this is what happens...

You flood the Auction House with 4 stacks of copper 1g15s each. A new person comes and says, "Oh, 1g15s, i'll put my bars in for 1g. Then more people come and they put it in for lower, and lower and soon, people get so used to the low price, it becomes un-reversible, and your stuck with the low price.

So now be sure to never put more than three stacks of minerals in at once.

OK, at a higher level, it is easy to mine, tin, as it becomes as common as copper, but at low levels, its hard. So this is what we are going to do. Go mine 1 stack of copper. Now come back and go into the AH with your 3g from before. Go into the AH (Auction House) and buy 1 stack of Tin for 1g-2g. (Dont be afraid to buy it for 2g, you will make more money anyways) Now you just spent lets say 1g (Common Price) Go smelt this into bronze. Now here is the nice twist! Those 1 stack of Tin and Copper, just made 2 stacks of Bronze. "So?". Well, bronze goes for 2g a stack. So you just spent 1g on Tin, but now you put both stacks in for 2g, and when they sell, you make 4g - 1g from the tin, and you just made 3g easily. Thats how you make money at low level mining.

Chapter 5: Advanced Mining and Cash

Thats actually the basics. Now, once you can mine Iron, you will start to make some cash, but its very hard to find Iron, but you will find it. A stack of Iron Bars can go for 4-5g, and it sells pretty easily.

Then comes gold, which is quite rare (Seeing the ore's text is Green not White). The gold can take a while to sell, cause its not used that often, but it sells for quite a bit. I actually sold about 8 for 4g50s, and it sold.

Then comes the Mid-Money Maker, Steel, which requires Coal (Bought from a Mining Vendor for i believe 4s50c. At this point, you should get all the Iron you mine, buy that amount of coal, and make steel, cause steel is used and goes for a good amount of cash.

Then this is where most miners say "I'm getting a lot of cash". Mithril is pretty hard to find, but its actually found in areas deeply. This is where you will probably need to raise your mining and level at the same time, because it will be located at high level areas, mostly 30s, 50s has a lot. A stack of Mithril can go any where from 12-15g. This is the start of money making at its highest.

Skipping some of the rare mining veins such as Truesilver and Dark Iron, Comes what is known as the "High Level Ores". Adamanite (I believe thats the way it is spelled), Thorium, and Khorium. These will get you "MONEY". I believe a stack of Thorium can go anywhere from 20-25g. Then i Believe a stack of Adamanite can go anywhere from 30-35g. Then it takes a HUGE leap. The Khorium is found mostly in the Outlands, so get Burning Crusade. Khorium, is rare, but needed for epic stuff for Blacksmiths and Engineering. Khorium's price takes a huge leap, and last time a checked, a stack of Khorium bars were going for 100g at the lowest. So beware, this is rare, but thank god if you find one :)

Now when i say rare, i don't mean like, dont get your hopes up. Its just, its scattered everywhere. You may find one along the Eastern Side of Hellfire Peninsula, and only maybe 2 on the rest of the Zone.

The End

So to wrap some stuff up:

--Level and Mine evenly ( You can see why when it reaches Thorium + )
--Be aware of the AH
--Don't Flood the AH
--Have fun with your money


Thursday, March 06, 2008

A simple guide for making money

Blizzard designed World of Warcraft so you will earn enough money by playing the game normally. You can easily afford to train skills, buy the odd item off the Auction House by simply doing your quests. However, most of us like the feeling of money in our pocket and there are expenses that you cannot cover normally. Think of the first big milestone in your World of Warcraft career, the mount at level 40. You need to supplement your regular earnings a bit to cover this.

Play the game:
So, on a simple level - how do you make money? Play the game. At various levels you will be earning enough money to get what you need. While it might seem silly when you are getting 8 copper per wolf in Loch Modan, by the time you hit later zones it will be a handful of silver or more. So do not stare at the 8 copper you just found in that wolf's gullet in despair, you will make more money as you progress through the levels. The easiest way to make money is to play and level your character up.

Think of the riches in Outland where, as a fellow forumite said, you can sneeze and earn gold. Squabbling over 5g at level 20 makes far less sense than churning out another level that gets you closer to Outland and it's riches. I fully expect this process to repeat itself once the next expansion hits.

The Auction House:
kcma has a rather simple technique for earning a lot of money on the Auction House. I've been playing around with it for a while now and it's relatively easy even though he rarely goes into enough details for most people. Here is what you need:
A bank alt - so you can keep on playing on your main
Somebody who can disenchant - the bank alt is easiest, but it can work if your main does that
Auctioneer or a similar add-on
Around 10 minutes a day
(Optional) a mass mailbox looting mod
You will need to level the person who is disenchanting for you because certain item levels need a certain Enchanting skill to disenchant. From WowWiki they are:

Enchanting 1: 1-15
Enchanting 25: 16-20
Enchanting 50: 21-25
Enchanting 75: 26-34
Enchanting 100: 35-39
Enchanting 125: 40-44
Enchanting 150: 45-49
Enchanting 175: 50-54
Enchanting 200: 55-59
Enchanting 225: 58-63 (BC items)
Enchanting 275: 64+ (some exceptions)
Enchanting 300: 70 Epic
Your bank alt will need various levels, depending on the disenchanting skill you need.

Apprentice from level 5 allows Enchanting 1 - 75
Journeyman from level 10 allows Enchanting 50 - 150
Expert from level 20 allows Enchanting 125 - 225
Artisan from level 35 allows Enchanting 200 - 300
Master from level 50 allows Enchanting 300 - 375
So, with that in mind, how do you make money? Begin by scanning the Auction House at regular intervals. This allows you to build up a residual database of item prices and will familiarize you with what sells and what does not sell on your server.
Tip: Know your server. The Auction House is different on each one and understanding your server's economy will allow you to manipulate it.

Once you have a few scans under the belt, let's begin earning some money. What you are looking for when bidding are the following:
Items that have a bid or buyout price below what the vendor will buy it for
Items that have a bid or buyout price below the disenchant average price
Items that are used in quests
Twink items
That is mostly it. Bid on those items and bid on a lot of them. Buyout where possible. Stay away from very expensive items initially as you cannot afford to take the hit of something that does not sell. (My Boots of Zealotry, for example) Initially you will be buying all the small, level 10 to 15 green items and disenchanting them into Strange Dust. We're in luck now, because Enchanting Materials does not have a listing fee, so you can list and relist those items without losing any money. This is probably one of the major reasons why it is such an easy way to earn money.
Tip: List your items in friendly quantities. While a stack of Nether Essences are worth 60g to 80g, most casual players only want one or two. List appropriate quantities, not a full stack. This is where a knowledge of Enchanting helps but you can simply scan the recipies for more information.

Once you've gotten into a bit of a groove you will find you are likely bidding on around a hundred or more auctions at any one stage. Do not be scared of the numbers, this is where a mass mailbox looting mod helps. At the same time, you should be listing an equivalent number of items. People are always looking for enchanting materials to have their gear enchanted. Enchanters always advertise "Your mats + tips". When you are in a major city, watch the Trade Channel to see which enchants are popular. Those are the materials to try and snag, because you can resell them in enchant friendly quantities.
Tip: Reduce the time you spend running between mailbox and Auction House. For the Horde, Silvermoon's Bazaar Auction House has a mailbox right outside it. For the Alliance, Ironforge has a mailbox just across the bridge. The less time you spend running the more time you will spend earning.

A good example of this is "Essence of Fire" which drops fairly regularly off the Horrors in Felwood. You need one for a Fiery enchant, which is fairly popular. You can use your main to farm them or pick up bulk quantities in the Auction House. On my server they sell for 2.5 to 3.5g each. A stack of 10 will usually sell for approximately 10g to 15g. You can do the maths yourself and see that this is a very lucrative venture for buying a stack and splitting it, especially because it is such a popular enchantment.
Tip: Keep your bags organized. Have one bag dedicated to items you are planning on reselling, one bag for items that need to be disenchanted and one bag for items that need to be vendored. Keeping things tidy will help you when you need to log and come back later.

Now that we've covered the enchanting portion of it, let's look at quest rewards, particularly those recommended in leveling guides. The A-ME101 quest in Un'Goro crater requires a Mithril Casing. Most Mithril Casings are listed in stacks of 5 or more at a price of around 10g to 12g on my server. You don't need 5 for the quest, you need 1. As a manipulator of the Auction House you want to buy the stack of 5 for 10g and relist those 5 items at a price of 2.5g or 3g each. People who need them for the quest will buy yours, rather than spending the extra 7g and being stuck with 4 they do not need. People are lazy. Use this to your advantage. I just did this quest and my 4 casings sold within a 3 hour period, leaving me with a profit. Similar items to look out for are Frost Oil, Patterned Bronze Bracers and so forth. Be wary though - the crafters making those sometimes cotton on to the deal and will charge exorbitant prices for it.
Tip: Bid before server maintenance on Tuesdays/Wednesdays. The Auction House timers run during maintenance, so you can usually snag quite a few bargains then.

Now let's look at Twink items. Essentially, things within the upper level brackets are useful to twinks. (18-19, 28-29, 38-39, etc.) If the stats are friendly for a particular profession (Stamina and Intelligence for a Warlock, as an example) the item will automatically have a very high price. This is a dangerous market to dabble in as people will typically list them much higher than they are normally worth. However, quite a few items will open with a very low bid price despite the very high buyout price. Check the time remaining on those auctions and try to get in with a bid close to the end. If you can be online while it is due to expire you can usually snag them for a very, very low price.

As a practical example, a Skeleton Club is on the Auction House at the moment. It's initial price was 1s with a 15g buyout. Bidding has driven it up to around 15s, but even that is far below the disenchanted value. The Auction is due to close in approximately 8 hours, which will coincide roughly with when I get home. Hopefully I'll be able to snag that one to relist it for around 10g.
Tip: Item sell better over weekends when there are more buyers online. List your big ticket items over the weekend, but keep churning during the week.

The last three sections I want to cover are exclusive items, undercutting/pricing and market dominance. These are fairly important.

Exclusive Items:
People who do not spend their working days reading these forums or learning about the game will not know where to find various recipes. They might not care to know, but that is something you can take advantage of. My real world example for this is the Hawkstrider Hatchlings. You can buy them in Fairbreeze Village for 50s if you are Horde. I keep one Alt logged in there to buy them. I have another Alt logged at Booty Bay, at the Neutral Auction House. She receives the mail from Fairbreeze and lists these Hatchlings for between 2g and 4g (Depending on colour). I can typically sell four or five of these a week, which is an extra ~10g in profit for logging in twice.

Alliance players pick them up like hotcakes, because they are unavailable to them normally and the smart ones will resell them on the Alliance Auction House for between 5g and 10g. (Alliance prices based on The Venture Co Server experiences)

Finding these items, as well as the odd recipies sold by Vendors and re listing them on the Auction Houses are invaluable. They provide a regular revenue stream that, while small, help keep the numbers ticking over.

Never, ever trust Auctioneer completely. There are people who through ignorance or willfullness will poison the data set. You've seen the Linen Cloth on the Auction House for 50g? That is there to drive up the prices, so people who simply use Auctioneer without knowing the value of items get caught out by higher buy-out and resale prices. So, when you are listing something new check out what other people have paid for it. See what other identical / similar items are selling for. You might need to hang onto it for a few days before listing it. I typically aim for around a 5% undercut. Take it too high and you risk losing a lot of potential profit on the transaction.

This is where an understanding of the Auction listing pages will help. Items are, as far as I can tell, listed in order of the date they are posted. Each page is sorted by price by default. You can change the sort order by clicking the columns, but the cheapest items are listed at the top. Remember when I said people are lazy? This is the time to capitalize on that.
Tip: Make sure that your item is just cheap enough to be the first item on that page.

Market dominance is a fickle thing. I've never had the courage to try for something like this, simply because I don't need the massive sums of gold. (Free Warlock mount FTW!) The basic principle is this - by buying all of a particular item you can decide what the new price is. Within reason. For example, if you corner the market on say Copper Ore you can simply relist them all at a price that is a certain % higher than what you had. If people list above your price, theirs won't sell. If they undercut you, buy theirs and re list at your price. This feels like a very dangerous system to me, but kcma and others have used it to great effect.

Playing your main:
Typically I log into my bank alt for about 10 minutes at the start and at the end of each session I play my main for. Sure, that reduces the time spent on my main by around 20 minutes, but it means the time I play my main I am actually playing the character and enjoying the game, not worrying about money. A few last words of advice though. Do not bother with the Auction House on your main. Mail any drops back to your bank alt and use them for storage. They can handle it. Once you lose that worry about money, the game becomes a lot more fun and you will find that money and levels roll by.

Other than that, I hope this is of help to someone and I hope you all have fun playing this fabulous game!

Monday, March 03, 2008

PvP for the beginning HK: 11 rules for the starter weasel

It is not unusual for younger or less experienced players to approach me with questions on my PvP experience.

"Allie," they ask. "How can we avoid sucking like you?"

"Well, first it helps to have a functional mouse," I always say, favoring them with a benevolent smile whilst swirling a fine glass of port. "Click-to-move is usually impossible when neither your right mouse button nor scroll wheel actually work. You'd be amazed at the number of problems you can pin on your refusal to replace a relatively cheap piece of equipment. Never, ever, get rid of Mr. Gimpy if you want a ready excuse for being a keyboard turner."

They scribble this and then look at me reverently, hopeful for any additional pearls of wisdom I might drop. However, after receiving so many queries and accidentally mistelling most of them with, "I can tank, but gimme a sec to get rid of this punk who's bugging me," I have decided, in the spirit of all gifted Machiavellians, to preserve my bad advice in a medium more lasting than /w.

For beyond faulty mice, children, we get into more advanced and underhanded PvP tactics...

Now, I do not wish to boast, but my PvP experience has been called by many "an example to others," although they always say this with a funny look on their faces. I managed to avoid PvP almost entirely before hitting 70, but after that realized that arena gear was absurdly good and an easy way to stay defense-capped as a bear tank. Many months and much grumbling later, I have emerged a better, wiser player, though not because I have exhibited anything within shouting distance of talent at actual PvP. Oh, no. What you need, dear player, is the ability to put your strengths to work on the battlefield, and sometimes your strength lies in what the Dilbert cartoonist Scott Adams would refer to as being a total weasel:

1. Fool someone who's actually good into signing up for your El Stinko arena team or pre-made.

It helps to be a raider. Running around Shatt in your offspec phat lewtz will occasionally give people the impression that you actually know what you're doing, even when your primary contribution to raids is a "Who, me?" at being told to get out of the fire/avoid the volcanoes/don't move during Flame Wreath/run away from Leo/I told you to get out of the fire/don't Moonfire the sheep.

Failing this, you may need to put in the time and effort to afk in a sufficient number of battlegrounds to get Season 1 gear. See #4.

2. Commiserate over the fact that Armory is still bugged.

"God*****t, I wish Blizzard would just fix their s**t. I had a 2300 rating last week and it's still not showing up! And I'm still "guildless?" Christ."

3. Try to be any of the following: MS Warrior, (Flavor of the Month), (Flavor of the Month), or MS Warrior.

Confucius say, wise man levels class being played by lead game designer.

4. Actual PvP gear helps to perpetuate the illusion that you are competent.

Horde used to have this covered by afking in the "Peace Cave" of AV. Now that the Participation Gestapo is busily sniffing around all corners of the battleground looking for lazy jerks people with a strong-minded opposition to violence and a preference for peace and quiet, it may actually be necessary to afk at a node under the guise of defending it. This exposes you to almost certain periodic death and no small amount of hassle and honor loss while you wait to rez. No one ever said that earning decent gear would be easy! For the Horde! Or whatever else the other half of the game plays, I dunno.

5. Exhibit more frustration with failure than is probably merited.


"You having some computer problems today?"

"Yeah, my right mouse button doesn't work."

6. Find someone who actually does know what they're doing, or is just insanely overgeared, and /follow.

Did you just zone into a WSG match next to a warrior or a shaman in full Season 3? This person is now your god. Hug them. Love them. Stay close to them. You will draw enemies to your weak butt like a moth to the flame, and the self-interest of the Arena God will see to it that they become HK. Your relationship is a special one; symbiotic, almost. Beautiful.

7. Blame your healer.

There is a long and storied MMORPG tradition of blaming the healer whenever something goes horribly, horribly wrong. You're a Mage in Spellstrike who gets one-shot in the first five seconds of the match? LOS'd your pally while a hunter's turning you into a pincushion? Rogue chewing your druid to pieces and you can't be arsed to quit beating his partner?

Just repeat to yourself, in very soothing tone akin to that of Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting, that it's not your fault. It wasn't your fault. It's never going to be your fault. And it's especially not your fault the devs didn't give you a heal button. There, there.

8. If you are the healer, blame the dps.

And if they don't like it, they can go roll their own friggin' healer and experience the pleasure of being the immediate target of every yoohoo with a two-hander. Why is all the good healing gear so shiny? Why does the +81 healing enchant leave a glowing, trailing vapor so blinding that an enemy with advanced glaucoma can see you from a mile away? Blizzard should just cut the crap and skin every piece of +heal gear in the game with a giant bullseye instead of taunting us with items like Priest On A Stick.

9. Blame the tank.

Force of habit.

10. Undermine the resident battleground strategist.

Now, you know and I know that the surest means of winning any BG node is a good, old-fashioned zerg. What better way to accomplish your aims in a BG than to descend upon every tower, flag, and individual enemy as a maddened pack of lemmings? Safety in numbers! Your enemy will never have a chance to prove he's better than you are if his life gets snuffed out in less than a second. Nevertheless, there's always that one person in a BG who surveys the map like a latter-day Napoleon and calls out tips that, if obeyed, might actually work.

Two can play at this game. Well-timed /bg posts like "No one's defending mines," "Only one defender at DR," and "All in!" should draw help to your cause regardless of whether your cause is actually worth fighting for at that point (or if you choose to include details on additional stealthed defenders). This is a war, man, and there are casualties! You may be among them but at least you won't die alone.

11. Never forget the importance of being an otherwise useless distraction.

This is the sole weasel tactic of actual strategic value. Anyone who's trying to kill you is someone who's not trying to kill the healer or the player capping the node/flag, and it may be time for you to accept that your most singular contribution to group PvP may be as a kamikaze. Run like a spanked cat as soon as your health hits 30%, and with any luck you'll trail a number of opportunistic sharks oblivious to the fact that someone's in their base killin their doodz.

This article has not been endorsed by anyone on the WoW Insider staff including its writer, and may or may not have been written following a five-cap defeat in Arathi Basin and a 67-minute (albeit successful) WSG match.